An Era of Good Feelings

Since the Battle of Will, life has become a bit more predictable, steady, and restful.

Will strikes a pose or practices the stake dance staple "sprinkler" dance move post-sponge bath

On Tuesday, the John family went to Dr. Grisemer for Will's weigh-in. Carrie and I were a bit concerned that his day of fits and hunger were going to lead to him not weighing enough, but he had only lost half a pound.

Will having eaten so much he did not mind a photo shoot

Will screamed multiple times, pinching and clawing the doctor, causing him to quip that our son was "a pistol". We also met with a lactation expert who was helpful in showing us how to get Will and Carrie to work together to feed. Will had and still has some self-destructive habits that make it harder to feed him, but with help we have been much more successful.

Dad dances with Will to Christmas music to soothe him. Will's got rhythm already

We are so grateful for the doctors at St. John's and their help. Our OB/GYN was wonderful and stubbornly believed that Will did not need a C-section to come when his peers thought otherwise. We had great nurses who helped us a lot through the birthing process and keeping us on top of things during our hospital stay. Will has a great pediatrician who is changing his schedule a bit to do Will's circumcision before we move to Kansas City. We are so glad we had Will at the hospital after all we went through. It is scary to think of what could have happened.

Carrie and Will pass out

We hold him briefly like this to wake him up to eat. He looks like the talking dismembered head on the bus in the Harry Potter movies

After visiting the pediatrician we packed or bags, loaded the car, and left for Kansas City. We met Laurence and Jill halfway so that they could drive our car the rest of the way. Carrie and Linda were both concerned that I was too tired to drive the whole way, and I was happy to stop driving, though even in my fatigued state I cold not fall asleep because I was too anxious. I consider this "passenger seat anxiety" further proof that I have become a father. I've come a long way from the post-mission kid without a driver's license to dad who can't relax when he is not driving.

Happiness? Gas? We'll have to ask him when he can do more than scream

Spending Christmas in Kansas City is always fun for us, but this visit has been very different for obvious reasons. Taking care of Will is a full-time job which makes it very hard for us to participate with everyone like we usually do. Christmas was fun. But Carrie and I have been a bit tired and grumpy. While Will's schedule has improved each day, that does not mean that it is easy to wake up multiple times a night, but...

WILL SLEPT FOR 6 STRAIGHT HOURS LAST NIGHT

This is not how we accomplished that, but a candid capturing of a brief nap taken by the whole fam

I am slightly cantankerous. But each day gets easier and easier to relax. Carrie has been an awesome mother so far, persevering through the pain and fatigue of these early weeks.

Dad ruins a happy Christmas shot

Again, this post was very picture oriented. Please, enjoy. And a Merry Christmas!

Battle of Will

That might be the picture of a physically and emotionally exhausted new father, but you don't have to take my word for it. Read the rest of the post and find out for yourselves.

We've been home for three days, and I already can not believe that my parents had 6 kids. Do not misinterpret me: having Will join our family is the best thing that ever happened to me. I love him unconditionally and his coming has deepened and strengthened our marriage. He is awesome.

But Will has a different circadian rhythm (the "rhythm" of your body: the ebb and flow of fatigue and other body cycles) than Carrie and I. Since Carrie could first sense his movements inside her womb she warned me about this very week. "Anthony," she would say, "our boy seems to wake up at night and wiggle a lot. It keeps me up sometimes nowadays and I wonder what his sleeping patterns will be when he gets here." I figured it can't be too bad, right?

DEAD WRONG

The first night back was a bit tough. We tried to go to bed starting at 10 PM. He was upset off and on until 3:30 AM. By upset I mean he would cycle through stirring, rushed breathing, whimpering, crying, and screaming until I met his particular need at the time, be it feeding with mom, a diaper change, reinsertion of his pacifier, picking him and bouncing him and "shushing" white noise into his ear (infants like this). At 3:30 he gave up with no more energy and slept until 7:30 the next day. At 3:30 I took Will out out to the living room, place him in the center of his boppy pillow on the couch with me next to him. I put my hand gently on his face and blocked the pacifier from falling out and causing Cryageddon again. Otherwise, Carrie and I double-teamed him the whole night as much as possible, but I insisted that Carrie sleep as much as possible. I am not as chivalrous as I should be but am honest about the energy needed for 15+ hours of labor. We need Carrie back in tip-top shape as soon as possible.

I woke up at 7:30 exhausted but pleased that we had gotten the sleep we did and that Carrie had been able to catch a couple extra winks, though I always prefer to be around her. Due to the long night church became an impossibility as I was extremely groggy and knew that Carrie still had a lot of sleep to catch up on, so I was needed at home.
After breakfast I took a nap with Will in bed with me, but protected from my giant pillow and head by his boppy pillow.We had many visitors over the course of the day, which stopped us from napping as much as we had thought we would, but it was still so fun to see people. Being social creatures Carrie and I get energy by seeing others and how happy they are to see us and Will. Will was a bit temperamental all day as he seemed to be getting very upset very quickly compared to the Will we came home with. We figured that was part of his personality. The first sleep conflict was over, but the battle was just beginning.

Again, that night we tried to go to sleep around 10:30. Carrie fed Will right before. Like a well-trained army we moved forward with our bed plan as efficiently as possible. I went to sleep thinking, "This will be an even better night. We did great." Think again chump.

Will woke up around midnight hungry. Carrie tried to feed him, but he would angrily punch and claw her and kick her and he would not eat. He was very busy screaming. My role was to console him and then we would try again, but it was not working. Carrie said that a couple of times he "latched on", but did not seem to be drinking much. He woke up soon and more angry than the previous time. This lasted until 9 the next morning. For the last 2 hours of the ordeal I had Will alone, trying to let Carrie get some sleep. All of my efforts to console him were futile. I honestly prayed as hard as I ever have, and got the idea to take him into our bathroom and turned on the shower. He and I just sat in there and let the steam soothe his sore throat (He was very hoarse from crying off and on all night, and when he sneezed or coughed or even breathed funny I could tell it hurt him because he would 100% of the time start to cry). Also, the sound of the water hitting the shower floor seem to soothe him better than my personal attempts. For the first time all night he fell into a deeper rest that would last 10-15 minutes that would be interrupted when he coughed, etc. and had another tantrum. It felt like even his silence echoed in the bathroom. It felt good.

Being alone with him for a lot of the night I had a lot of time to think about Will. At many points in the night I prayed audibly not for him to be quiet, but for him to be healthy and eventually happy. After 8 hours of his crying, both Carrie and I were pretty frazzled. I took the picture at the top of this blog before passing out on our bed when this leg of the battle was over.

This skirmish ended when Carrie and I got our wits together and figured after a whole night of crying we should call Will's pediatrician or the hospital. Carrie frantically called all the numbers we had been given for medical help for Will until she finally spoke to a nurse. The nurse quizzed Carrie about her breastfeeding and Will's behavior and surmised that Carrie's milk was in the process of coming in, and Will was not getting the colostrum he was getting initially from her and yet not getting the milk that was going to come in soon. He probably was getting a little nourishment, as Carrie was still producing minor amounts of liquid (We know because he spit a bit up and was making swallowing noises). He was starving. He had been angry with Carrie, which explained the escalating anger every time we tried to feed him and why he was inconsolable.

With this new knowledge we popped open the free samples of formula the hospital sent us home with. I laid him on my lap and fed him 40 mL of formula that he guzzled. It was spilling everywhere, but Carrie and I did not care at all. The relief that he was okay was so overwhelming, we all cried. Wanting to be close while we all passed out after Will's feeding, we put him next to us again in his boppy pillow and crashed. It actually took awhile for the adrenaline to leave our systems, and Carrie and I both shivered in bed, ecstatic that Will was ok.

We slept a few hours until Carrie started to get return phone calls from the hospital asking her if everything was alright. We both agreed that the previous night had been the most difficult ordeal of our entire lives. My arms, now a day later, are still sore from bouncing him. Both of us, like wartime post-traumatic stress disorder victims, hear Will screaming in other sounds (e.g., the fan, the shower) all the time, especially when we lay down. It was by far the most exhausting thing I have ever done. Later on I tried talking to a few people about this over the phone and I had trouble keeping my sentences understandable. When I went to pick up pizza for dinner the small-talk I tried with the cashier was painfully stupid because I was so frazzled. It felt really strange. Carrie said that in her opinion it was harder for her than giving birth to Will, though significantly less painful. But the emotional exhaustion was very difficult to deal with. We both felt so desperate and helpless. I wondered many times if I had done something wrong, if I had hurt my own son. As I grew fatigued worst-case scenarios flooded my mind, and if the dramatic writing style of our blog did not reveal this about me yet, let me tell you: I can get a little dramatic.

In the final leg of the battle of Will (last night), Will was fine. We have supplemented Carrie's milk with formula and he is good. He is back to his good-natured self, easier to soothe and able to be fed by Carrie. Will probably woke up, on average every other hour, and Carrie and I both got 5-6 hours of sleep total, but not straight. It's bizarre how refreshing that feels, but in comparison to yesterday I feel great.

I now know a bit more of what it takes to be a parent. I feel like everyone who reads this blog should take this challenge: During this holiday season take the time to genuinely express to your parents that you love them and appreciate what they have done, do, and will do for you.

There are going to more "battles of Will" I am sure, but we will move move forward more confident that we can succeed in crisis.

Like father, like son

So far Anthony has been a great dad. I cannot say enough good about how awesome he has been, but I don't want to get too mushy on our blog.


There has been lots of talk about how much Will looks like me. I can see some Anthony in him, and he has definitely inherited some "Anthony-like" behaviors. Only time will tell for sure if it is nature or nurture.

They both like to nap.

They both like to open their big mouths wide.
They both like to contort their bodies into strange positions.

Are we there yet? The Adventures of Heading Home

First off, if there is one thing I have learned in the past 48 hours it is this--everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) takes longer than you plan with a child. I thought we would probably leave the hospital today sometime after lunch and we ended up barely leaving in time for Anthony to make it to our ward Christmas party (he was singing in a male quartet).

Before we left we had to dress him in his own clothes (as opposed to the hospital onesie), which I was very excited about. I first thought about this momentous outfit weeks ago and it was the first thing I packed.

Will was NOT so excited about it. Getting him dressed was a two person job, but we persevered. It is amazing how rigid he could get his little body to be.


We took another family photo right before we headed out into the frosty night. I realize I am extremely puffy (it seems a bit worse each day) but I am a mom now, so I will sacrifice my vanity. The nurses told me it usually takes a week to go away. I really hope they're right.


While Anthony took our stuff to the car I got Will situated in his car seat. Surprise, surprise, he HATED it. Not the car seat itself, which is extremely nice, but the straps that contained his body. We are quickly learning that this guy does not like to be forced into things and does not like to be contained.
I had my first "insecure parent" moment while we were waiting for Anthony in the lobby. Will started shrieking (the loudest sounds I've ever heard coming from his body) and turned beat red in protest of his new restraining device. So...I started to swing him, a move I've seen other parents make. It calmed him down (yay me!) but made me realize how inadequate my arm muscles are and how much I don't know about being a parent.

Finally! we've made it home. I hope we can survive our first night without nurses the push of a button away.

His first video

Well, Carrie took a video of him. It made us laugh, so we uploaded it so that everyone can see him. We may be adding a second later, as in tomorrow.

FROM THE FRUIT OF MY LOINS!

Thomas William John

We will be calling him Will for now, but like in every family, names seem to evolve.

I apologize to loved ones out there who were following Will's arrival via our blog. Yesterday you were well fed. Today you have been starved.

Will arrived at 9:11 PM last night after 15+ hours of labor. He got an 8-9 on his APGAR score, the first of many standardized tests that he will dominate. He has no infections, no fever, healthy heart, healthy lungs, and a healthy mom. He was born at 8 lbs and 13 oz. He was 21 inches long. He seems huge to me. He is learning to eat, and Carrie has been a quick learner of how to feed him. I am SO proud and thankful every time I stop to think about how healthy Will and Carrie are and how amazing Carrie was and is.

This post is going to be almost all pictures as there really is not too much more news. For those of you who enjoy pictures, enjoy.

First Photo

the proud mama

Carrie is too weak to protest, so she consented to the posting of this picture.
Turns out when we were eavesdropping earlier was just minutes after the birth. Good timing. Way to go us.
But mostly, way to go Carrie. After arriving at the hospital at 5am, and a 14+ hours-long labor, she gave birth at 9:11 pm to a little 8 lb 13 oz chunker.
I hear Tony was dancing.
We know most of you are wondering, but the name is still to be determined.
So far we think he looks like Carrie.
He's actually quite adorable.
We love him.

We heard him!

Because Carly is probably not the only one who is anxious...
So we wandered out in the hall to see if we could hear anything going on in Carrie's room and we heard crying! It didn't sound like Tony, so my best guess is that the wee bar'n has arrived!!!! They have not invited us into the room yet (it sounds like they are still cleaning things up in there), but we did overhear the nurse saying something like he has hair like his mom's. So he may already be a towhead!

"This is not a test. This is the real deal,"

said the nurse to Carrie.
We got to go back into her room for a few minutes and see her again as she was "laboring down," which I think just means she is letting the contractions push him down a little bit at a time. We all watched the monitors to see how high the contractions would go as they kept coming about a minute and a half apart.
Carrie called the nurse in because she was having a hard time NOT pushing. The nurse said that her call was perfect timing because the doctor had just finished the c-section he was performing for another patient, so he was ready to come back to her room, and she could start pushing!
Here she goes!!!
Next time I see her I will be an aunt.

Update #5

The one rule Tony gave me regarding this post is "No potty mouth."
p.s. This is Jill.
Tony is still in the l&d room with Carrie, but the rest of us have moved down to the "lounge" down the hall so Carrie can rest. She is progressing, but things are going pretty slowly. There was a bit of a scare when the baby's heartbeat dropped for a minute, so they've upped her petosin a bit (she was off it completely for a while earlier), and upped her epidural drugs so she can rest for a bit. I think Tony also said something about some sort of "labor pilates" involving a leg in a stirrup. The doctor was going to come back in half an hour, and if they think the baby can handle it, she might actually get to start pushing! Soon...

Update #4

The nurse came in and Carrie is dilated to an 8+. She was at a 6 for a long while, so this is great news. She has her sitting up a bit, increased petosin she dilated more than she had in awhile. The baby is doing well, and he is being affected by the contractions. The distress has to be monitored, but is still a good sign that he may be coming relatively soon.

Update #3

The news continues...

The Crane Women have arrived from Kansas City. They took a bit of a scenic detour through the Ozarks, and got to know what it is like to drive the undulating hills of southern Missouri. Luckily none of them had to go to the bathroom too badly. That can be torture.
Our son has progressed to a +2 position down in Carrie's hips. He started at -3 today. That movement has created extra pressure for Carrie. Carrie has began to wonder if there is something in the epidural that makes her sleepy. The nurse said that there is nothing specific like an antihistamine, but she probably has been fatigued for awhile but the discomfort was keeping her alert. Once the epidural kicked in her eyelids drooped.
We let Carrie rest for a while and went on selected some delectable local spread in the hospital cafeteria. Melanie was the bravest of us and ate ribs.

According to the timeline approximations given to us this morning, our son may arrive in 2-3 hours. We're hoping for soon. Maybe we should contact the hospital chaplain again...

Update #2

Let us keep you updated:

It's been an eventful few hours, everything good, so you do not have to hesitate reading the rest of the post.

First things first, the hospital chaplain came in and met us. She was a nice, Asian woman who reminded us of the upstairs neighbor in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. We saw that movie a few months ago and are still unsure why people like it so much.

After the prayer by the chaplain, the efficacy thereof was proven as the doctors came in shortly and gave Carrie her epidural- an answer to prayers. She was feeling like a big wuss for getting the epidural, and it was a bit scary to watch them stick the needles in my wife's spine. Maybe as a person who studied the nervous system it bothered me more. Carrie said that my face made her more nervous than the pain associated with the procedure. My bad. I was trying to look stalwart and stoic, but I clearly failed in keeping my cool totally. The nurse stayed for half an hour and made sure that Carrie's blood pressure was good. Before she left she checked Carrie's progress, and Carrie has dilated from a 2 this morning to a 5. So she had done some serious "work" before the epidural, and should definitely not feel like a wuss.

Soon after the epidural the searing pain of the contractions subsided. Carrie has had consistant contractions every 2-3-4 minutes. They say that the boy is great, and everyone gives us positive feedback about how healthy Carrie is, how healthy our son's heartbeat is, etc. Now she is relaxing. We thought about having her blog, but they don't really want her to sit up.

An OB/GYN just left a few minutes ago after breaking Carrie's water. Because Carrie had progressed so much they decided to break her water. She claims that while she still feels huge, she "can breath again" without the amniotic fluid in there. She keeps breathing deaply and loving it.

Game Faces On!

Due to modern technology we are able to share a little bit of this very special day for our family. The baby has not come yet and Carrie is resting. We have taken some pictures of the room and Carrie and even a token Anthony picture. These entries today, this and maybe others, will not be as pithy or groundbreaking as usual, but are meant especially for loved ones who are not able to be with us in Springfield.

Carrie's time at the hosptial was 5:00 AM, so we got up today at 4. Neither of us slept particularly well. Childbirth anxiety is like my Nintendo christmas eve anxiety on Clemens-strength steroids, and that was for me, the less involved part of the Team John Baby.
Here is Carrie, bright and beautiful at 4:45 this morning. For those wondering this picture was not digitally enhanced in any way to make her look cuter. That is her in the flesh. Here is the beautiful momma. She is trying to rest now that she is hooked up to all the monitors and petosin. Here is the monitor keeping track of the baby's heartrate and Carrie's contractions. As promised the token picture of the uglier part of the family, dutifully doing my work as the only media member present for the birth of our boy.

We are going to try to have more information, picutres for you later. I make no promises. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers and check here periodically for updates if you are interested.

Baby It's Cold Inside

So.....I'm getting pretty big. Which means I am hot a lot. You would be hot too if you had a huge heater growing on your abdomen. Every once in a while I am reminded that not everyone is going through what I am going through when I look over and see Anthony (wearing a sweatshirt and extra warm Finnish socks on top of his regular clothes) huddled beneath two blankets. Thanks for being such a trooper, TJ, and enduring such chilly temperatures in your own home. You're the best!

And here I am at 39 weeks:


Never mind the moving boxes, baby stuff and plate of spaghetti at my feet. As mentioned in a previous post we are in the middle of a lot of changes and there was not one clean spot to take a picture. I can't believe we're a week or less away from exchanging this huge belly of mine for a real live baby. I will be induced next Thursday if he doesn't come before then.