you're only 29 once

Yesterday was my birthday. I've always rather liked birthdays. I have distinct memories of lying in bed on the night of May 26th, too excited to sleep, and then the next night feeling depressed, not wanting to fall asleep because then it would all be over and I would have to wait 365 more days for another birthday. To be fair, I think I only felt depressed about my birthday being over in my tween years.

1 year old Carrie (with a favorite doll)

Besides the obvious attention and presents, part of why I look forward to my birthday each year is because it is a natural marker to look back at what you've accomplished and forward to what you want to become. As I enter the last year of my twenties I've been thinking about the past decade of my life and not just the past year.


I recently finished reading a book that really made me think. The book is called What Alice Forgot and it is total chick-lit. It probably made me think deep thoughts because I read it while Tony was traveling and I had more time left to my own thoughts than usual. It centers around a 39-year old woman with 3 kids in the middle of a bitter divorce. One morning while at the gym she hits her head and when she wakes up she is 29, expecting her first baby and happily married, at least, as far as she can remember. When she views her 39-year old self with her 29-year old eyes she is both impressed and disappointed with how things have played out. Eventually her memory returns, and she realizes young Alice was a bit naive and idealistic, but older Alice had a fuller perspective on things because of her life experience. As she worked to reconcile her two "selves," she was able to find a happy balance. Pretty cheesy with a  bit of a 13 Going on 30 vibe.


I've been thinking a lot about how I have changed over the past 10 years. I was a lot better about exercising at 19, but I am more comfortable about what I look like now. This is pretty amazing in and of itself considering how I looked then and now. I fancied myself to be an awesome roommate when I was 19, but I remember some of the things I did and it makes me cringe. (To those I lived with 10 years ago--thank you for putting up with me. :)) Pretty sure I am a much better friend these days, though I still have much room for improvement. I thought I was a regular scriptorian after completing a year of Book of Mormon classes and because I memorized all the scripture mastery verses in seminary. Ten years later I recognize most of them and can still recite a few, but I understand so much more about the words I could once recite from memory and why it was worth my time to learn them.


For the most part, I think I'm happy with the progress and changes I've made in the past year(s). I have things I want to work on, like getting to bed on time, for example. Why oh why is it so hard for me to go to bed at night? I feel tired from the moment I wake up until approximately the time time the kids are in bed. But night after night I have trouble getting in bed at a time that will help me feel less tired the next day. I know getting more sleep will help me, and I continue to choose to stay up (and do stupid things that aren't worth my time, like watch reruns of The Office I've already seen).


Like everyone else, I really enjoyed Pres. Uchtdorf's talk at the September 2011 General Relief Society Meeting. In his talk he said:

"God wants to help us to eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal. He wants us to become perfect, and if we stay on the path of discipleship, one day we will. It’s OK that you’re not quite there yet. Keep working on it, but stop punishing yourself....

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him."

Thank goodness I've got time. We are all works in progress, and I hope that next year and ten years and fifty years from now I can look back and feel satisfied with the improvements I've made. And hopefully by then I'll get myself to bed on time. From what I've seen, senior citizens get up quite early.

Nineteen year old Carrie (with a few roommates)

29 year old Carrie (with a few roommates)