Because I Have Been Given Much I Too Must Give

Yesterday scored an unexagerrated 10 out of 10 on the "surprisingly frustrating" scale. Within our ward (Mormon word for congregation) we had a person who needed help moving her belongings from two storage units to a home 25 minutes away. I will call her a friend, but I guess that is stretching the truth, as I had never met her before yesterday. She needed our help, and my job within our ward to is organize help for those who need it.

I arranged for a group of volunteers to meet her at 8:30 AM at her UHaul storage units. We were also planning on renting the biggest truck they had to make sure it all fit. When I arrived my new friend was haggling with the manager. She had not paid the bill for her units for the past few months. Right away I had my guard up, thinking: "Oh boy here we go. I have taken these volunteers away from their family, and this move is not going to go as planned." Depressingly, my inner cynic was exactly right. Not so depressingly, another wonderful friend arrived with dozens of donuts and cold water for the anxiously waiting workers.

Around 9:15 the UHaul manager was dangerously generous and let us into her storage units. They pulled the truck over to the loading dock. When I saw it, I knew it was not the biggest truck they had, which in turn would eventually present a problem. Our group pressed on.

Our friend continued to try and find someone to pay her bill so that she could leave, but with no success. My inner cynic was preparing for the worst, wondering when she would ask me and the church to pay her bill. For those of you who have served in service organizations that have limited funds, you understand how much I was not looking forward to that conversation. All I wanted to do was come and work hard, lift heavy boxes, and drive the truck. I was ready to work hard, but not to have hard conversations.

Within 90 minutes, our crew had emptied both storage units (which had some biological hazards left by the year-round tenants). We filled the first truck to capacity, and yet there was another truck's worth of belongings ready to be loaded. My inner cynic was getting pretty chapped now. I went into the office and rented another truck on my credit card, fully knowing that the church would re-imburse me. But I was nervous to give UHaul a good credit card number when my friend was still unable to pay for the first truck and the last few months of storage unit usage plus late fees. My inner cynic screamed: "Now you have done it. You are going to get hosed now. UHaul is going to make you pay the approximately $1000 our friend owes. No Christmas. My children will hate me. Carrie will wait for awhile, but feeling her childrens' grief, like any good mother, will murder me on my birhday." My inner cynic was getting creative.

Within a half hour we got the rest of the materials into the second truck. As it approached noon, some volunteers had to leave. Six of us stayed, and I took everyone to McDonalds for lunch while we waited for the payment situation to iron out. We got to McDonalds, and I oozed bitterness. The leftover stalwarts were cheerful enough that my boiling, inner cynicism wasn't bringing them down. I called the Bishop of our congregation to see if he had any ideas of what to do. Having spent his morning with the youth of our congregation, he was tired as well, but he came to UHaul to meet with our friend. He told her if she did not have this resolved within a half hour he was going to send me and the volunteers home. My inner cynic wanted this to end, and not well for my new friend. My cynic wanted her to not be able to pay for things, and for me and the crew to leave her. My cynic chided her: "Maybe that would teach her to be more organized and not selfishly take so much of my time."

Of course that did not happen. Her brother came through and gave her his credit card number. We drove the trucks and our crew to the belongings' resting place. Before we left UHaul I felt like this move would never end, and I called my Christ-like father in law to send out an S.O.S. message to get more volunteers there. When he was the only one to show up, and it was incredibly generous that he took that time to help us, my inner cynic's circle of attacks grew to include people in our congregation who seemed reluctant to help: "Just like them. Why won't they come help? I will be stuck here all day."

But the work from there exploded into high gear. We started unloading the truck at an unnatural pace and the boxes and furniture were fitting too easily into the small basement we were loading the boxes and furniture into. Boxes felt lighter than they should. People were laughing. Others started to call me and offer help, and I told them to stay home as we were going to be done relatively soon.

As we pulled away in the trucks to return back to UHaul to meet there to carpool home, I started to be angry with my inner cynic. He had caused me unneeded stress. I heard the hymn "Because I Have Been Given Much" in my head:

"Because I have been given much I too must give
Because of thy great bounty Lord each day I live
I shall divide my gifts from thee
With every brother that I see
Who has the need of help from me"

"Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy great care
I cannot see another's lack and I not share
My glowing fire, my loaf of bread
My roof's safe shelter overhead
That he too may be comforted"

"Because I have been blessed by thy great love deal Lord
I'll share thy love again acording to thy word
I shall give love to those in need
I'll show that love by word and deed
Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed."

Thinking of the what I have been given in my life, and how I have not earned really any of it, made it clear that my inner cynic was horridly wrong. As I pondered how much I owe the Savior, I realized that my day, no matter how long I waited and how much longer the work took, would never repay the Savior for all the blessings and peace I have in my life. My heart burst with gratitiude. I thought of the Savior. I thought of my friends who were willing to sacrifice their time. I thought of my wonderful wife, who came down with a migraine today in part because she has been left alone with our toddling tyrants during a busy week. I felt my heart soften, and I was no longer angry with my new friend (easy to say when the job is done). I felt grateful for all I have been blessed with and grateful for being in a position to help others.

As pride washed away I saw her as my sister, a potential new friend, who really needed help. I realized that this day was much more stressful for her. I was ashamed at how my selfish thoughts had clouded my judgment and prevented me from truly supporting her.

This Thanksgiving month, I will try to see people as they really are. I wish to have a truly grateful heart and to serve others more completely. May we all show our gratitutude to the Savior by giving to others as He would, with all of our hearts. Fire your inner cynics. They stink.